This section contains jokes and fun anecdotes,
and other interesting things that I have collected over the years. Most of the
jokes in this section are appropriate for all ages, however, the two flow charts
which are presented last may not be appropriate for those who are offended by
bad language. Please use the appropriate discretion.
I am constantly on the lookout for additional
material to add to this list. Please send me an email if you find something that
you feel would fit into this section! ~Josh flyerjosh@hotmail.com
The
Levels of Pilots
Line Check Pilots:
Leap skyscrapers with no effort,
are more powerful than the Concorde, are faster than a speeding bullet, walk
on water, give policy advice to God.
Airline Transport Pilots:
Leap tall buildings in a
single bound, are more powerful than a 747, are just as fast as a speeding
bullet, walk on water if its calm, suggest policy advice to God.
Multi-Engine Pilots:
Leap short buildings in a single
bound, are more powerful than a 707 can fire a speeding bullet and hit the
target, walk on the water of an indoor pool, talk to God.
Instrument Pilots:
Leap short buildings with a running start and
favorable wind conditions, are nearly as powerful as a Learjet, almost as fast
as a speeding bullet, walk on water when it’s frozen, talk to God if a
special request is approved.
Commercial
Pilots:
Barely clear a Quonset hut, lose a tug-of-war with a
twin-engine aircraft, can fire a speeding bullet- just not accurately, swim
well, occasionally addressed by God.
Private Pilots:
Make high marks when trying to leap buildings, are run
over by Piper Arrows, sometimes handles an airplane without inflicting self
injury, can dog paddle, talk to animals.
Recreational Pilots:
Manage not to trip over the curb when crossing the
street, is run over by the aircraft tug or fuel truck, shoots themselves in
the foot when given a gun by mistake, can stay afloat if properly instructed,
talk to rocks.
Student Pilots who have soloed:
Run into buildings, recognize a Cessna 172 two out of
three times, are issued a parachute, can wade through a kiddy pool, talk to
water.
Student Pilots
who have not soloed:
Fall over doorsills when trying to
enter buildings, say, “Look at the airplane!”, need rescuing from a large
puddle, mumble to themselves.
Ultralight Pilots:
Run into doors when trying to enter a hospital, are
run over by small animals, drown in small puddles, talk to frogs.
Certified Flight Instructors:
Lift
buildings and walk under them, kick planes out hangars, catch speeding
bullets in their teeth and chew them, freezes water with a single glance. THE
CFI IS GOD.
